im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
