Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
