I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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