he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize