theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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