i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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