Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize