Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
