garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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