My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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