there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
