I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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