I bet he comes in French.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
