I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
