you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
