Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She bit a glass in half.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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