this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
