dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
