i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
