Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You made out with two different species that night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
