No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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