sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
