So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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