I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I did not marry a roomba.
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