Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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