She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
