I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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