I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
