just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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