How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
