dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
