i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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