So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so let's talk penis.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
