Your mouth is God's brothel.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
