thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
