I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
