I'm going to jail i love you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
