Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize