My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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