Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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