At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
