So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
