you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
