and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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