The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
