I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
