Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the condom got lost in my hair
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
