it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize