I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
