I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
