i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
