my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Randomize
