I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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