I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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