mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
