At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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