Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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