Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
NoShamevember. You game?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
