I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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