Duck Duck Cougar?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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