I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
