They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
