apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
