Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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