Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
