im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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