I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
