9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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